Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Tuesday FourCast: Week 7

Week 7 came and week 7 went. Some things returned to “normal,” such as the Giants winning. Other things went even more haywire than before, such as the Cowboys self-imploding (or is that self-bloweding up, Emmitt?) even further. An eloquent sports writer would delve into such complicated matters. Unfortunately, you’re stuck with me this week. On with the countdown.

#1. Zoot Suit Riot

Mike Nolan, defensive guru. Mike Nolan, old-school extraordinaire, rockin’ the suit from the sidelines. Mike Nolan, the third coaching casualty of the 2008 NFL season. Admittedly, I’ll kind of miss the suits since I thought that brought back some class to the sidelines (which the NFL, ironically, was hesitant to allow). Unfortunately for Nolan, his coaching couldn’t bring back class to the ‘49ers. A season removed from being my pick to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl, the Alex Smith Experiment (not to be confused with the Alan Parsons Project) has blown up entirely. And even though it was the offense that sputtered all season long, defensive great Mike Singletary has been tapped to lead the way. Personally, I think Mike will be a tremendous head coach in the NFL someday … but I’m really hoping that he rocks the formalwear on the sidelines.

#2. American Boy

Well, Estelle won’t get to see “American boy” Reggie Bush in London next week. Once projected to be the Michael Jordan of the NFL, Bush is now nursing an injury to the meniscus in his left knee and will likely miss the next 3-4 weeks, if not longer. Although Bush still has not become the offensive threat many projected him to become, he has played a very impressive role on special teams this year. Not to belittle his offensive impact, his versatility still does require defensive coordinators to throw some wrenches into their game plan. Given LT2’s relatively lackluster season, thus far, and Londoners won’t get to see the match-up between the two explosive running backs that, perhaps, the NFL had intended.

#3. This Is How We Do It

I wonder if Montell Jordan had as much trouble coming up with a second single as the Cleveland Browns seem to have with disinfecting their locker room. Evidently, staph infections are how the Browns do it. It turns out that the temporary case of elephantitis suffered by Kellen Winslow last week was actually the sixth known instance of a staph infection to plague a Browns player since 2005. Really guys? Can’t you just bug bomb the locker/training rooms?

Also in the Montell Jordan mold, excessive bitching is apparently how Winslow does it. “Solja” Cry Baby didn’t like that Browns GM Phil Savage didn’t check-up on him in the hospital or wish him well upon his grand return to the team. Really Kellen? Would you like Savage and the rest of us to throw all hands in the air? Maybe wave them from here to there? Because evidently you think you’re an O.G. mack, but you’re just a wanna-be player. (Note: This is the most publicity that Montell Jordan has received since 1998. We’ll be expecting a check)

#4. It Wasn’t Me

Jay Glazer has been “Mr. Scoop” all season long. Heck, I’d raise his hand in victory if he were here. This time, Glazer brought us news that evidently Brett Favre has been feeding information about the Packers offensive game plan to some of Green Bay’s opponents. The most information is with regard to the Detroit Lions, the Packers least fearsome NFC North rival (we here at PHSports use the term “rival” loosely as it applies to the Lions). Glazer has been spot on with his reports in recent memory, so I’m inclined to go with him. However, Brett “I wish I could do the Shaggy voice to match my shaggy beard” Favre has categorically denied such actions against the team that made him into a legend. Then again, Favre also categorically denied retiring, un-retiring, and wanting to be traded. Wouldn’t this guy make a damn good Presidential candidate?

Maybe the new version of the song could go something like:

But we caught you with Matt Millen – It wasn’t me

Heard it from 2 other sources – It wasn’t me

Marinelli wouldn’t comment – It wasn’t me

Brett Favre is such a d-bag – It wasn’t … oh F it, it was me.


Sum said...

Just to make note of the honorable mentions:

#5. Come On Get Higher, involving Matt Jones' rehab.

#6. Rehab, involving Pacman (too obvious to be included in the top 4).

#7. Loser, involving Tony Romo's broken pinkie.

Paymon said...

I was informed by a doctor that Winslow suffered from a case of hypergonadism.