Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Favre '08: Yes He Can! (A "rumor" with "no reason"?)

As a citizen of the United States, I have had the opportunity to cast a ballot in two presidential elections in my life so far. This November will be the third, although my interest in presidential politics has existed since the 1992 elections. As an “armchair political analyst,” (hey, I need something to do during the NFL off-season, when I can’t be an “armchair quarterback”) I have developed a general and simplistic formula as to what makes a good presidential candidate.

The individual must first have great popularity from his local constituency. This isn’t necessarily the person’s “home” or “birth” city/state, but rather where the bulk of public service has occurred. Second, the person must deny the initial inquiries into her/his desire to run. However, the denials must be done in a manner that allows the person to seem flattered by the “suggestion” and also allows the door to remain slightly cracked open. This second stage can last anywhere from a few days to months. Finally, the individual should throw her/his hat into the race on either a late night talk show or during an interview on a “news” channel. This last step must include in the announcement either a backhanded slap at the current administration or demeaning comments about opponents in the upcoming election. Of course, both before and during the race, the person must continuously change stances on important issues, and must make some statements that make no sense whatsoever.

My friends, with that formula in mind, I give you the ideal candidate to support in the 2008 Presidential Elections: Brett Lorenzo Favre. If Favre approaches the presidential elections how he has approached the issue of his retirement from the NFL, then nobody else stands a chance.

He stinks at making up his mind, I stink at Photoshop. Hey, Brett, need a running mate?

Favre enjoys unquestioned support and loyalty from the citizens of Green Bay, WI. It doesn’t matter that his infatuation with gun-slinging was a huge reason that the Giants were able to come back in, and ultimately win, the NFC Championship game last season. It doesn’t matter that his mind for football is fairly miniscule. He’s their hero, he can do no wrong, and he has their support.

Since 2002, Favre has toyed with the idea of retiring every off-season. At times he let the issue last well into the summer months before making a clear statement as to his intentions. And each off-season, when reporters asked him of his decision, he opted to deflect the issue. When he finally retired after this past season, many questioned whether Favre would remain retired. Questions were asked regularly, and Favre would provide an incomplete answer peppered with his boyish charm. He kept this up through July 2, when questions about his intent to return to football crept up again and he responded by referring to it as “rumor” for which there was “no reason.”

Admittedly, Favre muffed the final stage a bit. He allowed the news media and the Packers to leak the story that he had requested to return and requested a release. Favre then waited several days before making his appearance on Fox News. But what an appearance it was! Favre proclaimed, with regard to Green Bay, “I can't envision being with anyone else, or haven't envisioned being with anyone else,” even though on June 20th he clearly asked for his release from the team. He continued to lambaste his opponents, Mike McCarthy and Ted Thompson, for mistreatment, and made it clear he wanted a release from his contract.

This release demand fits the bill perfectly for the “flip-flop” requirement. In 2005, Green Bay wide-receiver Javon Walker held-out, wanting either a new contract or out of his contract. Favre made his thoughts clear on the matter, “Maybe I’m old-school, but I always thought you honor a contract. Sure, sometimes guys pass you up in salary, and maybe it’s a lesser player, but it’s all based on what a team has as far as value in that person. I sure hope the Packers don’t give.” Of course, Favre does not apply this train of thought to himself. In his mind, his demands are not monetary, but rather about playing. And who wouldn’t want an aged interception-slinger as their starting QB, especially when they have devoted the entire off-season to retooling the offense around a new player?

Brett, you have demonstrated that you have the unquestioned loyalty of your constituents/fan-base, the ability to be coy in answering questions and the fantastic talent of flip-flopping and not holding yourself accountable to the same rules you apply to everyone else. Forget football. Run for President. FAVRE ’08!!!


Clement said...

Brett Favre is a self-obsessed tool.

That makes him a perfect running mate for John McCain, who lacks those two qualities himself.

Although as the GOP-candidate (and sadly, the safest of that "group"), he's always in line to be a douche.

Guess who I'm supporting?

Since 2006, too.


Clement said...


There was a much better rant this weekend on ESPNews.

YouTube let me down not having it up yet; somehow.



Sam said...

I HATE Brett Favre. He is such a loser.

Who doesn't take a day off in remembrance of the passing of a loved one just for a stupid record?

Go away and stay away you scruffy bearded, inbred looking, cheese eating wanker.

Vikings Fan Out.

Sum said...

Sam, how do you feel about the fact that it looks like the Vikes tampered w/ Favre and may have been trying to get him on the team?

Would you disown them if it happened?

Anonymous said...

And just b/c I can't stay quiet on politics (no matter how hard I try), I want to express a word of caution to the Obama lovers: caution. (yes, you read it right, haha).

Barring a Favre/Moss ticket, the Dems have the election locked up. But be ready for 4 years of "status quo" with regard to the Presidency. With 0 important legislative achievements to his name, and 130 "present" votes on important matters in Illinois, his political resume is less impressive than W's was 8 years ago. I'm not saying that you shouldn't vote for him, that's not my place, nor am I saying he'll be a bad president. I'm just saying, he doesn't represent the change he thinks he does.