Call Outs: Clement-Style

I’m calling out more than a few people. Why? Partially because the sporting landscape is finally starting to heat up (especially since the post NBA Draft hangover).

Some of it won’t be nice, some it may be too nice…but the point is: it’s time to take a stand. In fact, it’s time to take a definitive one. In fact, it’s time to throw out some opinions, some love, some hate, and some SAT-laden words.

Who’s up first?

LaDainian Tomlinson. You’re a fantasy monster. You’re the top running back in the NFL. You are becoming, more and more, a juggernaut with endorsements. You’re the guy who everyone wants to play with in Madden, hand the ball to in the redzone, and are currently on a talented, young team with plenty of firepower. Yet, you’re 0-2 in the playoffs. True, you lost to New England last year. Then again, it was at home. You also had a bye week that was supposed to aid you. It’s all true that your first loss was to an underappreciated Jets team a few years back. Then again, you were at home then too. Now it’s true your numbers were pretty solid both games, but you were far from dominant. Now while there is a lot more to winning playoff games, especially against Bill Bellichick, than a great running back…it also reminds me that LT isn’t unstoppable. He isn’t immortal. With Norv Turner in tow now, many are wondering if the Chargers are a legit Super Bowl contending team. Sure, we all think they can win 12 to 13 games. Then again, why should anyone think it a lock that LT can lead the Chargers to a playoff victory, whether home or away? In fact, might Phillip Rivers and their defense, who folded like a card table in the 4^th quarter against the Pats, be more important to a victory? Call me an LT-hater, but I’m more than speculative as of now of LT and the Chargers being a Super Bowl team. Plenty of backs never really had playoff success (Barry Sanders comes to mind first) for countless reasons. Yet, I’m still waiting for LT, the sure shot pre-season MVP, to prove something to me…especially when it matters the most.

Rory Sabitini’s harasser. In case you didn’t know, Sabatini called out Tiger Woods several months ago as being “as beatable as ever”. The media went nuts, Tiger could’ve cared less, and Rory achieved mini-stardom (even if only for fifteen minutes here or there). Enter this weekend at Bridgestone, one of Tiger’s favorite stomping grounds, and Tiger blew up on Sunday (for the better) as Sabatini did (for the worst). The better story is this: Sabatini, on the 9^th hole and now countless shots behind a white-hot Tiger, was heckled from a fan who supposedly said to him: “How beatable does Tiger seem now, Rory?” Now while there isn’t a clear-cut confirmation if that’s all was said, Sabatini decided in response to have the man removed. Way to handle the hecklers Rory. Further proof why trash talk in golf is useless. And why Sabatini is nothing more than pond scum in Tiger’s world.

ESPN’s Skip Bayliss. You’re the worst media personality who was ever graced any sport’s programming. You became rich, and I suppose well known, by trashing on the trashy Cowboys of the 1990s. Fortunately for most, your TV time is typically early in the morning – during ESPN’s waste of space known as Cold Pizza. It’s a shame this guy is ever on the television, in print, or even on the radio. A shame.

The Pro Football Hall of Fame. I don’t need to plug in numbers or compare him with the other greats. Michael Irvin was a deserved Hall of Famer. Yet, what the Hall of Fame did so brilliantly – even without planning it – was further humble Irvin. His speech was downright heartbreaking at times and always moving. In fact, you should do yourself a favor, a fan or Irvin or not, and check out his speech on replays from the NFL Network or online. It gave me goosebumps; especially, even as a Jet fan, I was enthralled by Irvin’s physicality and his somewhat bizarre on and off the field antics. A man stood up at the podium, accepting and admitting to all of his flaws, for better or worse. Kudos to the Pro Football Hall of Fame, for enshrining him in the nature you did. Whether you planned it or not.

ESPN Radio Executives. With Dan Patrick exiting, there have been countless guest hosts and plenty of silent auditions. Some advice for you all. Avoid Stephen A. Smith at all costs. Ditto with Scott Van Pelt and Mike Tirico. Doug Gotlieb, believe it or not, is a viable risk. Don’t move the Herd into a spot it can’t hope to maintain any sort of ratings in. You want an oddball selection? Patrick McEnroe. I’m sure most will doubt you. In fact, everyone will. That is until they listen to him for more than 20 minutes at a time. He’d be my selection, without losing a wink of sleep to fill the shoes of another Patrick on the radio.

Bud Selig. You’re a joke. A complete joke. You’ve looked worse than Barry Bonds during the past few weeks of the home run chase. Do us a favor. A) Applaud Bonds and remind everyone he hasn’t been found guilty of anything yet. B) Don’t show your face and say you think he cheated. If you can’t do either of those, there’s one more option. C) Quit immediately.

Steve Spurrier. I understand you’ve never been under probation, are following the letter of the law of the NCAA academic minimums, and were promised by South Carolina to be supported in recruiting. Yet, there’s a better way to call out your admissions office. Not to mention, it’s clear you’re not trying to get your kids an education; instead, you want them to play football. Instead, you want to win football games in the SEC. While that is his job, academics have to matter for something in school. Even in South Carolina and the SEC.

Mike Golic. The Yankees are dead, huh? Even if they don’t make the playoffs, you can’t be the only idiot on the four letter network who thinks he has cahonies to call the Yankees done. You just can’t be that guy.

The Seattle Moose. If he injured Coco Crisp, I wouldn’t have minded if Big Papi pulled a Vitamin Water (check out the commercial) on him. Sadly, if I was Crisp, he would’ve gotten a punch to the face and I would’ve gotten a suspension. Fire the Moose! Ban the Moose! He can remain a VP candidate with Griffey though. (Who remembers that reference? Anyone?)

Tom Glavine. You won’t be the last 300-game winner. That’s a ridiculous statement. However, it might be quite some time until anyone joins you in that rather exclusive club. Even if the Big Unit gets healthy, I doubt he has 16 wins in him. Congratulations on an amazing achievement Tommy.

The Chicago Curse. Leave us alone for just one season, please! Soriano’s quad will, of course, be a worst-case quad-injury scenario. I only worry about the Big Z, as I am dreaming of him in Yankee pinstripes next season.

JaMarcus Russell. Sign your contract. Get over the extra $2 or $3-million guaranteed you want and all of the ridiculous incentives. Take your gigantic pile of money, get into camp, and learn everything you can, as soon as you can. Your mobility isn’t as masterful as many claim it is. All you will be, without preparation, is one gigantic target practice QB. Sign the contract.

I could say more. I could whine more. I could praise more.

But then you’d start calling me out.

If you aren’t already.

Until next time…

Quick Hits: The Weekend Version

Busy, busy, busy times. Here are ten random ramblings that only scratch the surface on a busy sport’s week.

…in no particular order…
1. Calling the Diesel.
Shaq is back…for now. Averaging 22.5 ppg since D-Wade’s injury, the big fella has seemed more energetic, much more physical, and incredibly motivated to carry the Heat. Question is: can he really keep this up? Yes and no. While the injury bug can’t bite him as hard when he’s this focused and working so hard, the Heat’s best hope, sans-Wade, is to actually meet the Pistons in the first round of the NBA Playoffs. Yes, you read that correctly. Only by knocking them out early could they sustain enough momentum to ride the big fellow deeper into the playoffs.

2. Carmelo v. Coach.
Don’t let management fool you, George Karl can only win this argument for so long. Karl might be making a huge mistake calling out his star when the majority of the blame is due to a poorly constructed team (thanks Kiki). It’s one thing to address the consistently bad shots of a shooter, but another to pretend his lack of defense is the only major reason for an underachieving squad.

3. Mavs drive for 70.
From 0-4 to 51-9, Big D has become a team about D. Yes, Dirk flops a lot. But he is also the MVP this season (barely, over Nash) and Josh Howard is the closest thing to Scottie Pippen-in-the-mid-90s we’re gonna see these days (sorry Lamar). While I seriously doubt they can hit 70 (which entails, despite a current 16-game streak, winning 19 of 22 to close out the season in which they may clinch #1 in 2-3 weeks), Avery Johnson has his team as ready as they possibly could be to take home the NBA Title finally.

4. Running Backs on the Move.
Thomas Jones is now a Jet. Willis McGahee a Raven. Jamal Lewis a Brown. Dominic Rhodes a Raider. Reuben Droughns a Giant. Travis Henry a Bronco. Ahman Green a Texan. Tatum Bell a Lion. All of these moves should aid their respective new teams. However, the Jets and Ravens clearly made the top moves in this grouping…by quite a margin, in fact, for what they had to pay.

5. Big Money for the Big Boys.
Wanna see overspending at its best? Escape a place like Express or Abercrombie and venture over to the NFL. Only there could Leonard Davis get $50 million. Seriously. Derrick Dockery is worth $49 million? Not a chance. Eric Steinbach worth $49.5 million? Maybe $29.5, at best. I just hope guys like Wade Smith, Luke Petitgout, and Anthony Clement won’t see $10-million plus in guarantees anytime soon. Hutchinson’s contract last year with the Vikes broke the bank to say the very least.

6. Bubble’s bursting.
As of Saturday…VCU held suit in the CAA. Winthrop did as well in the Big South. Butler did not in the Horizon. Neither did Xavier in the A-10 or Nevada in the WAC. The Zags took home the WCC title to escape the bubble. Creighton more then solidified its standing from the MVC. And we still have plenty of tournaments to go. Big eyes focused on NC State, Illinois, Kansas State, Arkansas, and Mississippi State (among others) in the next two days.

7. One Seeds.
Let’s be foolish and assume a few things: Ohio State matches up with Wisconsin in the Big Ten final. Kansas wins the Big XII title. UCLA is done in the Pac-10 tourney (okay, we do know that). Florida wins the SEC. UNC wins the ACC. Wow. How do you choose those four #1s now? Here’s how: East-UNC, South-Florida, Midwest-Ohio State, West-Kansas. This is assuming Ohio State defeats Wisconsin again, moving the Badgers to the East regional as a #2. If the Badgers win, can you flip-flop Ohio State to a 2 or do you push out someone? Don’t get me started on a new scenario please. UCLA fans are already starting their hate-mail against me...

8. Last Four In, Last Four Out.
Heartbreaking words for a lot of teams this year. My major prediction of predictions? Everyone is sleeping on the one big-name school who will get in as a joke (much like Air Force last year, which was much more conference-affiliated than big name). The CAA will see either Drexel OR Old Dominion sadly be sent to the NIT. It's a cold, hard truth I'm staring to realize. Probably due to a school like Stanford, Illinois, or Arkansas. That's just wrong.

9. Simon says Suspension.
Once a year or so, some hockey player does something downright horrific and senseless. It’s talked about for a few days, shunned by everyone involved, the player acts remorseful, and ghastly reviewed highlights are shown over and over and over. Finally, a big suspension is handed out. Problem solved? Not a chance. It happens again a year later. My advice? Suspend Simon for two seasons without pay. And if he ever commits a similar offense, under ANY circumstances, enforce a lifetime ban and blackout his name from every history book the NHL has to offer. It’s time for zero tolerance in hockey. And more italics.

10. Dice-K’s Arrival.
Looks promising thus far. But just like any of the Cubans that the Yankees sign (surprising the BoSox spent more this off-season than the Evil Empire, or is it?)…wait until a primetime outing against a fierce lineup (such as against New York, Detroit, Anaheim, or Chicago) before we immortalize him Cy Young: Part Deux. Also wait until the pitching motion catches up with hitters, ala Hideo Nomo and Jose Contreras over the next two or three seasons.

Sounds like a good rant to me…except for this.

Fox Sports Radio is the worst thing going today.
I'll take the 4-Letter Network any day for my sports radio.