Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Predicting UNC/Duke ... Not Really

As many of you know, tonight is this season's first rendition of the best college basketball rivalry ever: UNC and Duke. As our regular readers know, I grew up a UNC fan and cannot tolerate Duke. Here are 10 things I guarantee will happen in tonight's game.

  1. Duke Vitale will crowd surf with a group of booksmart half-wits, known to the public as the Cameron Crazies and claim to be objective during the game whilst describing an anecdote from a book signing he had. The odds are probably 3:1 that he will do this before the 8-minute media timeout in the first half.
  2. Mike Patrick - no stranger to using hyperbole to the point that it is an arrestible offense - will at some point call this game, "Perhaps the best in the rivalry" ... when the score is 10-8.
  3. I will mute the TV out of respect for my ears and waning intelligence.
  4. Tyler Hansbrough will look like a dear in headlights at least twice.
  5. Greg Paulus will pound the floor ... because he is a floor-pounder. He just is. Barring injury (if this happens, atheists should reconsider their stance on God) or an uncharacteristic blowout, I can almost guarantee the bank account on this one.
  6. Mike Patrick will use Brian Zoubek's name in the same sentence as Tyler Hansbrough that does not sound like, "Brian Zoubek could not clean Tyler Hansbrough's 8th pair of shoes."
  7. ESPN will show Gerald Henderson 'punching' Tyler Hansbrough from two seasons ago at least twice.
  8. A Duke player will take a charge (real or flop) and Duke Vitale will attribute it to Coach K, and mention that K has never dissociated himself from his Chicago roots.
  9. At halftime, someone in the studio will point out that though Carolina has given up [insert #] points, they rank 20th nationally in defensive efficiency and that Roy Williams does not get enough credit for instilling defensive principles.
  10. Either Danny Green or Gerald Henderson will have a highlight reel dunk that you will replay on your DVR. Make sure you look for John Scheyer's face for his reaction. He always has one. This has nothing to do with tonight's game, but here's a picture of Chris "Gary" Duhon (credit on the nickname: BP) wearing a stupid hat.

1 comment:

Sum said...

I'm glad our tagline isn't "Fair and Balanced."

That said, Bobby Knight actually sounded intelligent while analyzing this matchup this morning on Mike and Mike. In a nutshell ... if UNC brings its physical game to the court tonight, they win. If not, Paymon will cry about it tomorrow. (okay ... so Knight didn't really mention Paymon by name ... but that would've been cool)