Football Picks Bound To Go Wrong
by Chris Clement

Looks like I went 2-8, which brings my record to an embarrassing 13-32. Yeah, that’s like the Lions over a three-year period. But you know what? I don’t give a damn. I never once bet in real-life on an NFL game against the spread. Now, while it’s true my college numbers suck, I don’t like picking major games when my cash is on the line. Allow me to parlay some mid-level Pac-10 and Big Ten games and I can make plenty o' cash.

I’ll keep this up, because I wouldn’t mind a good week. But look at the numbers, straight-up, I’m along the median, while with the spread, I licketh balls.

Pop quiz hot shot. I’m going against every pick this week, which should ensure a winning record. Knowing my “logic”, I’ll subconsciously doom myself into getting everything wrong as usual.

Philadelphia (-1.5) @ Washington
Garcia is playing well and the Iggles are actually the 6-seed right now in the NFC. Controlling their own destiny (check the schedule), it’s gut-check time as Washington oddly gets a third straight home game down the stretch. This spread is so tiny, it’s like picking straight-up. I’ll take the Eagles, for better or worse to drop Jason Campbell to 1-3.

Denver @ San Diego (-7.5)
Everything seems so right for San Diego and so wrong for Denver. Perhaps the Cutler move wasn’t right. The more important question is this: did Mike Shanahan set up Jake Plummer to do nothing but fail this season? Yes he did. And frankly, he has underachieved with his teams and his talent the last few years. He’s dropped off a good level or two from the elite coach in the NFL he was in the late '90s. As for the game, LT is a monster and San Diego is a very good home team. But I have to stop attacking major spreads. Or do I? San Diego demolishes the Broncos.

New Orleans @ Dallas (-6.5)
I like Tony Romo. I think he’s a stud and will torment NFC East opponents for years to come. If you don’t jump on this bandwagon, you’re nothing but a Cowboys hater. I’ll take Dallas to win, but not by this much. They won’t cover.

Seattle (-3) @ Arizona
Arizona is as tricky as a Saigon whore. Whatever that means, right? Seattle covers as Hasselbeck has played real well in his last two fourth quarters.

Indianapolis (-1.5) @ Jacksonville
Trap game? Not likely. Not to mention, I need Indy to win to aid my Jets. Go Colts, as they easily cover a spread that should be twice as high.

I expect an 0-5 week. Sour grapes, I suppose. Sour grapes.