Football Picks Bound To Go Wrong
by Chris Clement

What's this??? A winning record??? Multiple questions marks gone awry??? All in all, a 3-2 week [16-34 overall], with some tougher than normal picks. One damn game at a time. While I'd love to ramble, I'm just heartbroken after we let Losman do that to us in our own backyard. Not that it was a surprise. Hopefully we can muster up some pride and travel well to Minnesota. Hopefully.

Pay offered up five games, so I doused him with three extra. Ain't I a stinker?

Dallas (-3) @ Atlanta
I'm not sure what was a worse joke from Jim Mora Jr. this week: Mike Vick taking snaps at RB (and not just as a decoy) or him taking the head coaching job at the University of Washington. Either way, you don't pay in excess of $100 million to Vick to fool around as a running back or a wildcat (pig sooey). While Romo has seemed to regress a bit, Dallas has a head coach who will make his team realize just how important winning this game is, especially with the Iggles/Giants winner potentially stealing away first place if the Pokes choke. While the Falcons are a desperate team, I think the NFC South is going to crumble in the next few weeks and the NFC East reaps the rewards. Dallas wins and covers, as Romo tosses a TD each to Glenn and our lovable rat-seeking TO.
Pick: Dallas

Philadelphia @ New York Giants (-5.5)
Quite the spread, right? Two 7-6 teams on the upswing this week and both took home impressive road wins last week. Or did they? Honestly, the Giants could've executed much better and the Eagles were lucky Betts didn't push 250+ with those gaping holes. While I am enjoying the rebirth of Garcia, I feel the Giants are the more talented team and have finally woken up and realized how important this win would be for their playoff chances. I'm tabbing the Giants for a win, but it'll be far too close to let those 5.5 slide.
Pick: Philadelphia (cover)

Kansas City @ San Diego (-9)
If the game were in KC, I'd be drooling over a 9-point spread. Then again, I thought about that logic last week when the Ravens lambasted them with an array of redzone stops and the efficient and MVP-vote-receiving Steve 'Ground' McNair. As for LT's mind-shattering season, it's disgusting to note simply in fantasy matters. Home teams have been pretty consistent at night this year (save Dallas and Seattle this week), but I believe Herm can keep it close enough grinding LJ in a close defeat. Take the Chiefs to cover, especially if the spread balloons to double-digits over the weekend.
Pick: Kansas City (cover)

Cleveland @ Baltimore (-11)
Wow, 11 points as the home teams continue to get big love in this week's picks. While I liked watching Derek Anderson two weeks ago, I can't say I did last week. I expect the Ravens to do one of two things: destroy Cleveland early and tab two defensive TDs before halftime OR play sloppy and win by a field goal or two in the fourth quarter. I've learned to go against my feelings more often than not with the spread is involved. Cleveland loses badly, just not by 11.
Pick: Cleveland (cover)

Pittsburgh (-2.5) @ Carolina
Just when you think they're dead, they keep comin' back. Yes, the Steelers haven't laid that final egg ... yet. As for the Pussycats, ESPN (particularly, the atrociously-obnoxious Sean Salisbury) has finally stopped drinking the Carolina Kool-Aid. The Panthers are a one-wideout team and Julius Peppers frankly seems to try to be too much of a freak athlete than an every-down dominant defender. The same could be said for one Javon "Kleenex Soft" Kearse the past two years. As for the matchup, I will go against the grain and take a depleted Panthers secondary to tab three Roethlisberger INTs and allow the Panthers to escape with a home victory and the dying clutches of a wild-card shot.
Pick: Carolina (outright)

Extra Serving #1: A Nice Nightcap
Jacksonville (-3.5) @ Tennessee
Man, oh man, did the Jags ruin my Sunday with that huge upset blowout over the Colts. Even with the Jets not having played, it put a damper on my Sunday. With the Pats next week (and us BLOWING our chance with the Fins slicing the Pats open for a division title peak for us), I need the Jags to hit a serious roadblock named Vince Young this week. Yet, the Jags also dismantled the same rookie QB a few weeks ago (to the tune of 37-7 in Jacksonville). While I love the Vince Young express, the Taylor/Jones-Drew duo looks dynamite and the Jags seem like they're positioning themselves for a wild-card spot, only to be followed by another terrible performance in the first round (seriously, with these wideouts, I could play nickelback). Jags win, BIG.
Pick: Jacksonville

Extra Serving #2: More than Excessive
Cincinnati @ Indianapolis (-3.5)
Yeah, I added in the primetime de jour (finally, a nice selection from the otherwise putrid MNF lineup) to the list this week. While Rudi Johnson has his eyes wide open for the swiss cheese holes the Colts D-Line usually supply for runners, Peyton Manning has a lot of pride and it isn't the playoffs (or a matchup with the Gators in Week 3) staring him down. As much as I love Carson Palmer, I'll take Peyton and Co. to dust off the Bengals' overrated secondary and tab a touchdown victory in a game that ESPN will beat to death and unfortunately not match last year's touchdown fiesta.
Pick: Indianapolis

Extra Serving #3: Borderline Disgusting
Denver (-2.5) @ Arizona
Glad I saved this one for last, aren't ya? Not sure why I picked it, except Denver isn't left for dead yet. With some interesting matchups left to go (hosting Cincy and San Fran), they will either be relegated to spoiler with a brutal loss here or quasi-playoff contender with a victory. Cutler would serve his team and coach quite well by putting together a strong performance. Speaking of such, Matt Leinart is 3-1 in the last four weeks and could end the season with a realistic shot at six or seven wins (@San Fran and @ San Diego who may rest players). Don't think Dennis Green wouldn't eye that with Leinart developing, Edge finally seeing some holes, an O-Line in which they can address immediately in the draft, and a healthy Fitzgerald down the stretch. Sweet story, right? Sour grapes, my friends. Denver by a FG, which is just enough in turn for my cover.
Pick: Denver

Whew, not much more to say. Honestly, I'm always rooting against half of my picks as my shitty Jets continue their run to 8-8, I fear. But hope exists!